Warning: Bold Lyrical Content

Alanis Morissette Becomes U.S. Citizen

So Alanis says she will retain "dual citizenship" and never turn her back on Canada. Interesting, seeing as how she just swore to renounce all foreign allegiances! But then again, I guess when you are a rich rock star, you can go ahead and publicly flout federal laws the very minute you become an American.


You oughta know...when to keep your mouth shut.

Just what this country needed - another lefty lawbreaker....Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?

Ok - so admittedly I was channeling Jazzy there for a moment. But I do think it's time America revisits the oath of allegiance new citizens are required to take. I mean, my inability to comply with the oath's terms is a large part of the reason why I have never been inclined to sign on the dotted line as a Yankee.

As a citizen of the UK and Barbados, I will always foster fondness and fidelity to my native lands. So, America's requirement that I renounce all such allegiances (a request I think is perhaps fair, albeit outdated and unrealistic) simply prevents me from becoming a US citizen. (Well, that and the fact that after watching US elections for the past 20 years, I don't want any part of that whole mess.) Thus, rather than raise my right hand, I keep my hand in my pocket.

So where does that leave me? I'll tell you where - taxation without representation. Yep. I can't vote but I pay exorbitant taxes and contribute to Social Security and Medicare programs I can't use. And don't get me started about the hoops I have to jump through every time I want a disbursement from my 401k fund: As a non-US citizen, I am required to fill out reams of paperwork, attesting to the fact that I don't plan to do anything "bad" with the money - you know, my money! Oh - and, if I die here (that's not my plan, by the way), Uncle Sam gets to really give me the shaft on my Estate because I'm a "foreigner". Thank you, Uncle Sam.

Be that as it may, I don't really care. And, as my friends will tell you, I don't bitch about it either. I just go along, contributing my [un]fair share to the lifestyles of the impoverished, the imprisoned, and the impossibly rich. I figure - hey, if they need my money so badly, they can have it. I am rich beyond my wildest dreams right now...even though when I finally get around to balancing my check book, I am pretty sure I will find out that my bank account is overdrawn. [Insert Sassy's typical "Money Doesn't Matter" speech here.]

Here's a question though: If you are required to renounce all foreign allegiances when you become a US citizen, how can you then turn around and vote in foreign elections?

Alright - before you bake your noodles too much on that, I will put on my immigration attorney hat and explain to you that, while America doesn't recognize dual citizenship, most other countries do. So, US citizenship inandof itself does not preclude voter registration abroad. However, in theory at least, the minute you do punch a chad in, let's say, Chad, you have violated the terms of your oath of allegiance to America.....Is this making any sense to you? If so, run for office because you are clearly smarter than most politicians. If not, run for office anyway because you are at least thinking about this conundrum.

Well, the whole point of this blog was really to congratulate my American friends on their conversion of yet another Canadian to the Yankee way of life. I'm not sure you wanted her but she's all yours now! And for my Republican friend out there (you know who you are)...when the next elections roll around, think of Alanis exercising her new right to vote, and remember: "You lose, you learn."