Thursday, September 27, 2007

Sassy: "I knew I was right all along ..."

Today, Sassy received the following information in an e-mail from good friend and fellow non-teetotaller, PLC:

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't -
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health. Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

Needless to say, the foregoing confirms what Sassy has been saying all along:

One bottle of Svedka from Big Daddy Liquors - $16.99
One quart of orange juice from My Market - $2.99
An ice-cold screwdriver at 9:30 in the morning - priceless (and, apparently, good for ya!)

Sassy out.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

O.J. Simpson Arrested in Vegas

Huh. I guess The Juice is no longer on the loose?

(Alternate Sassy response #2: "Huh. So I guess that makes him Juice in a can??")
(Alternate Sassy response #3: "Huh. So I guess The Juice is in the freezer??")

Blah blah blah.

Friday, September 14, 2007

O.J. Simpson Named Suspect in Vegas Casino Burglary

Rumor has it this is all a publicity stunt for O.J.'s next book: "If I Did It: Vegas Edition".

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Man Found Nude After Clothes Stolen

Um ... well, yeah. "My clothes were stolen" begets "I'm walking around buck naked." Next headline?