Tuesday, February 22, 2005

"Don't Eat That! You Don't Know Where's It's Been!"

(I'm sorry, guys....I couldn't pass this one up.)

My loyal reader(s) will recall that I recently alerted you to the British ball-busting epidemic. Well, I am now compelled to bring a story to your attention that is along the same vein, if you will. This past weekend, an Alaskan man had his penis pruned by an angry girlfriend. (I assume the couple has since broken up.)

As always, there are a number of things that disturb me about this story - aside from the actual amputation. First of all, during the course of a heated argument - he was apparently trying to dump her - the dude agrees to have sex with the woman. (I guess they call that "break up sex"....?) Then, as if that wasn't a bad enough idea, he agrees to let her tie his arms to the window during the act.

Look, guys...you know Sassy is always looking out for your best interests, so listen to me. Never, ever, ever let a pissed off woman tie your naked ass up, OK? You're just inviting trouble.

What do you think happened next? Yup. The chick gets a kitchen knife and surgically removes his wiener, which she flushes down the toilet. (That'll ruin your septic tank. I mean, Ben gets all crazy if I flush a tampon!)

"Quick! Call Roto Rooter!" Posted by Hello

The crazy bitch then drove the dickless dude to the emergency room. Well, that was nice of her.

Anyway, the police arrested her (one of the charges was "tampering with evidence"...) and were able to call in the sewer experts, who unbolted the john and retrieved the johnson. Surgeons have since sewn the stump back on.

Here's my question for the guys: Would you want it back?

And to all the young ladies out there: Your mother is always right. When she tells you not to touch a boy's privates because you don't know where it's been.....well, think about it....! Does the five second rule apply here?


P.S. To protect his privacy, police declined to reveal the poor man's name. But for those of you who live in Anchorage, it was Kim Tran's boyfriend.....


Anonymous said...

"Tampering with evidence." That's a good one. I wonder if the prosecutor included that on a dare? -- The Boz

Sassy said...

Hee heeeeeeeeee! I dunno - maybe it's just good lawyering?

JazzyJ said...

Tampering with evidence...hahahahaha! Seriously, that man's life sucks (or will never suck again). Even if he manages to get his little buddy reattached, no woman will ever go down on him again given where it has been.

I give this woman props for adding a new twist to the Bobbit method.