AP Wire 02/03/2005 Pregnant Woman's Belly Gets $4,000 on eBay
Is it just me or does this have money making potential written all over it?! ("Written all over it" - get it?) When I first learned of Rainey's decision to auction her belly as a billboard I thought, "Thank goodness! Finally, someone has answered the burning question, 'Is bigger better?'" And the answer is a resounding, "Yes!" What? You don't seriously think the winning bid would have been that high if she was only 3 months pregnant, do you? I mean, advertisers pay for space, and the more space, the more money, right?
But then I wondered about the repercussions of this latest crazy auction. It could be great! Think of the possibilities for all those strapped-for-cash, young mothers in our low income neighborhoods! Their prayers may be answered. Forget food stamps, girls! Head straight for the tattoo parlor! After all, some sociologists claim that our welfare system promotes multiple pregnancies by rewarding the parents with additional money after the birth of each child. Well, maybe now we can offset some of that financial burden by renting the blossoming bellies out to Madison Avenue. What do you think, Sam?
[Sam is skeptical. He thinks Rainey's auction was only successful because she is a cute blonde. Hmm....he maybe onto something there.]
Well, ok, if we can't use belly ads to help the impoverished, how about letting them sell another area of the body instead?
[Sam is glaring at me. He knows where I am going with this and he gets annoyed when I become sarcastic. But, I am studiously ignoring him. I am going to say this.]
I am serious. If it's ok for Rainey to put a "This Space For Rent" sign on her stomach, why can't other women hang similar shingles elsewhere? (It occurs to me that was an unfortunate use of the shingles metaphor while discussing skin and body parts. Sorry.) And while Rainey is renting her skin for the next two months, other women can offer leases with shorter terms - like say, half hour rentals. That way, they could have more turn over, so to speak.
[After a huffy sigh, Sam has stalked out of the room.]
Alright, alright. I'm done. I know my loyal reader(s) gets my point. I'm gonna go shave the cat and see if I can auction it off to a casino.
Sam thinks auctioning off the kitty is a great idea.
BEN'S COMMENT: "Hey, prostitution would be legal if the guy had to read an ad on the lady's belly first...."
Talk about annoying pop-ups.