Thursday, February 10, 2005

Pump It Up!

Judge allegedly masturbates with penis pump during trials

Are you kidding me?!?

Back in the day, I was president of the Moot Court in law school and I designed a t-shirt that read: "Moot Court Members Do It Behind The Podium." People thought it was clever and funny and, after a mild wince, even Dean Fruth said it was ok to wear on campus. Thanks to Judge Donald Thompson, however, I have now donated that t-shirt to Ben's fire pit out back. Burn, baby, burn! I will never be able to wear it again without having disgusting images of the jerking jurist behind the bench.

Investigators decided to prosecute the self-fondling father-of-three after they were able to retrieve "DNA samples" (eewwww!) from the judge's robes, carpet, and chair. Wonderful. Now imagine you're the poor bastard that has to preside over that courtroom next.

As a litigator, I know that trials can become incredibly boring at times. And I have certainly thought about engaging in some lewd hand gestures while opposing counsel was making opening statements. But, come on, white people! Get a grip! (Sorry.) You mean to tell me you can't wait 'til you go back to the privacy of your chambers to do the hand jive?

And here's my other question: What was turning him on? Think about it - there really isn't anything sexy about the Rules of Evidence. And I, for one, don't get the tiniest bit horny while jury instructions are being delivered.

The man must really love the law. Or maybe it's the sight of blindfolded women.

Thompson's turn-on? Posted by Hello

Whatever the case may be, I hope the jury isn't...well...hung.

Thanks to the Boz for this one!


JazzyJ said...

Where on earth does one find a picture of the the lady holding the scales of justice that looks like it is straight out of Xena the Warrior Princess?

Sassy said...

I've got mad skills son.