Wednesday, February 16, 2005

More Lobster Tales

Norwegian study finds lobsters unlikely to feel pain in boiling water

Yeah right. Tell that to the lobster.

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!" Posted by Hello

Ya know what troubles me most about this study (aside from the fact that the Norwegian government actually spent money on it)? The conclusion that spineless animals suffer no pain.

Now I know y'all have heard me talk about my ex-husband, "Norman". And yes, I have described him as spineless. But I can't really sit here and say that he didn't feel pain. And I studied him for about 10 years.

For example, this one time, I whipped a crystal ashtray at his head. The thing weighed more than a shot putt; I guess that's why they call it "lead" crystal. And let's just say, my aim was dead on - of course, I had a big target and he was moving kinda slow because he was drunk (I know, predictable). Anyway, I distinctly heard him say "Ow!" when the missile met his melon. I think that is pretty good evidence that he felt pain, don't you?

And then there was the time when I accidentally almost smothered him. We were "play fighting" and I grabbed a pillow and...well, let's just say that watching him thrash around was kinda fun. The Norwegian study says that when lobsters thrash in a pot of boiling water, they're just trying to survive; they aren't hurting at all. Still, judging by Norman's reaction when I finally removed the pillow from his face, I would say he was in some kind of pain. I mean, why all the yelling and screaming otherwise?

Anyway, I am not sure this study is accurate. But I don't really care. Cuz if PETA thinks I am gonna stop eating Maine lobster, they're wrong. After all, as I've told Norman a thousand times: "Dude, I eat spineless invertebrates like you for lunch!"

Red Lobster anyone?

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