Well, seeing as how that tart, Sassy, claims she's "too busy" to talk to you losers, I thought I would continue my campaign of cat conversion. You see, eventually you will all agree with me that (and excuse the repetition here) dogs suck. They are truly stupid. For example (as if you needed further evidence) look at the following article:
Playdough's Point Proven in Parade
Exhibit 1 (Oh yeah...that's real cute).
I mean, exactly how low does your self-esteem have to be to allow humans to dress you up and put you in an Easter Parade? And hundreds of the mentally-challenged man-friends showed up to this mess! It's a travesty, a sham, a mockery....well, you know the rest.
We, the dignified members of the Cat Nation, would never, ever, participate in such a degrading debacle.
You know what? I simply can't continue. That pathetic photo says it all and sadly, there are plenty more where that one came from.
Members of the jury, I present to you, Exhibit 2.
Exhibit 2 (Does this dog actually think those are his ears?)
And the self-imposed doggy degradation doesn't end there, oh no. Please look, if you can, at Exhibit 3.
Exhibit 3 (Dog dementia doesn't discriminate).
And finally, ladies and members of the jury, I ask you to consider the following:
Exhibit 4 (I rest my case).
Signed Playdough
12 comments:
Dear JazzyJ:
I would normally be delighted to find the rare human who hates dogs. I would normally be impressed. However, my sources inform me that you are a...(hairball hack)...lawyer. Please be advised that the only parasites I despise more than dogs are lawyers.
While I commend your use of the word "traveshamockery", I am compelled to advise you that if you attempt to contact me again, I will have no choice but to petition for a restraining order.
I trust you understand my position. (Then again, you're a lawyer, so you probably don't understand much of anything).
Playdough
P.S. Dear Sassy - You think I didn't notice that you deleted my previous comment? If you ever try to delete my comments again, I will command the Cat Nation to rise up and crush you. And your little dog too. You drunk bitch.
Signed, the Original P-Diddy
Oh, I see. You're a drunk bitch too.
Signed, Playdough
Dear JazzyJ,
In the words of the beautiful and wonderfully talented actress, Gabrielle Union,
"Bring it on."
Signed Playdough,
President of the Gabrielle Union Fan Club
Oh my. I didn't realize this debate had taken such an ugly turn. And I certainly didn't realize Playdough was such a big fan of...Gabrielle Union??? Who would have thunk it?!
Um - Playdough - one little point though....I heard that Gabby went to .... LAW SCHOOL.....
Oh and another thing...QUIT HACKING MY COMPUTER, YOU JERK! You even used my log-in to post that last stupid comment. You're beginning to piss me off. Be careful...remember who administers your insulin shots.....
Signed,
Sassy Syringe Handler
Dear Sassy,
Your empty threats do not alarm me. After all, you have probably already forgotten what you said. You have blackouts, dear.
Secondly, although Ms. Union graduated from UCLA with the intention of attending law school, being the ever so intelligent foxy lady that she is, she declined to pursue that particular waste of time. Instead, she graced us with her phenomenal talents by acting in such break out roles as the first black love interest on "Friends". She also starred in an episode of that delightful show "Moesha". (I won't even begin to try to educate you regarding her multiple movie roles, all of which were Oscar-worthy, in my humble opinion.) Of course, you wouldn't know these things because you waste your time watching inane nonsense such as "SpongeBob Square Pants". You should really try to get off the couch once in a while.
As for hacking into your computer, maybe you should consider a firewall? Oh wait, that would require you actually figuring out how to install it, etc. Never mind. I forget - you ARE a lawyer.
I shall hack all I want. You can't stop the Cat Nation.
Signed,
Playdough
P.S. Tell that retarded redhead, JazzyJ, to back up off me.
Dear Jazzy (or should I say, "Hey Jealousy"),
You know nothing of my relationship with the yummy Ms. U. After all, it is highly unlikely that she would even give the likes of you the time of day. They say birds of feather flock together (I am quite the bird expert, by the way). And Ms. U is classy, smart, and talented. Needless to say - she wouldn't flock anywhere near you.
In the words of Ms. U during her outstanding lead performance in "Deliver Us From Eva",
"That's it, gentlemen. End of story. The fat lady singeth."
Signed Playdough
Gabrielle Union's #1 Fan
Hey Playmeister. Way to go! Gabrielle Union is H-O-T. You should check out American Idol, man. There's this chick named Vonzell. She can scratch my belly anytime. Mr. Boots.
Dear Mr. Boots:
Thank you for your recent letter. Per your suggestion, I have "checked out" the young lady you referred to - Vonzell Solomon. I tend to agree that she is somewhat attractive. Needless to say, however, she cannot hold a Bic lighter to Ms. Union. Nonetheless, I appreciate your taste.
You must be a cat.
Signed
Playdough (a/k/a Plizzle Fo Dizzle)
Damn straight I'm a cat. Wouldn't be caught dead as anything else. I need to figure out how to hack into those American Idol computers so I can make sure Vonzell isn't in the bottom three anymore. Stupid people -- don't appreciate real Star Quality when it smacks them across the face. Anyhoo. Stay loose, Play Dude.
Dear Mr. Boots:
I feel as though I have finally met another intelligent being. It is so refreshing! Well, good luck with the A/I hacking. I am sure you will be successful - after all, you're another fabulous feline, and not a lousy, lazy, loose-lipped lawyer like those drunk bitches Sassy and Jazzy. Speaking of which, I notice they have finally accepted defeat now that they realize the Cat Nation stands united!
The Cat Nation Rules!
Signed
Playdough (or - Play Dude)
[Sigh].
Mr. Boots - do you see the level of idiocy I must endure?
Signed, Playdough
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