Thursday, March 10, 2005

Maybe I Should Remove My SpongeBob Bumper Sticker?

You know, Jazzy is always telling me that Democrats are crazy. (I think her exact quote is: "They're a bunch of manaical morons and they don't know how to drive.") Truth be told, I've never really agreed with her...well, maybe until now.

Tampa Man's Road Rage Triggered By Bush-Cheney Bumper Sticker

Ah yes. Florida drivers strike again.

I know many of you have had to listen to me rant about the perils of driving down here. (See, e.g. Fort Lauderdale or Bust, wherein I state: "...[D]on't get me started on the drivers! Turn signals are apparently optional equipment on most cars and the lanes are only marked as a suggested are free to drive in the middle of the road...slowly...while talking on your phone...and stopping randomly to fix your makeup.") So the article cited above shouldn't come as a surprise to most of you. I mean, for the most part I think Florida drivers simply seek out opportunities to pull stupid maneuvers on the roads. And if that means chasing down some lady and her kids for miles, while honking the horn and pointing at some pitiful placard, hey - so be it. Just another day in Paradise.

Of course, the real problems with this story aren't so obvious to the untrained eye. Most will only see the crazy dude chasing after a mother driving her two small children to the ball field. But, as usual, I see something else:

1. Mommy probably shouldn't flip the bird at crazy men. Seriously, if some retard is yelling at you and pointing at a sign about murder and war, don't antagonize him. For real. (And for those of you living in Florida, the fact that you don't speak English is no excuse. Assume the crazy man is...well...crazy...even if you don't know what the hell he is screaming about.) Especially when your kids are in the car. I mean, what kind of example are you setting with your rude hand gestures? Why are you putting your kids in jeopardy?

2. Mommy is a registered Democrat, who voted for Bush. Alright, Sybil. Make up your mind(s) already.

3. Dude drives a Nissan sedan. While I applaud crazy dude's attempt to buy a fuel-efficient car (although, if he is really concerned about the war in Iraq, maybe he shouldn't waste gas chasing Republicans...I mean, well, I thought the war had something to do with oil....or maybe that's just what some Democrat told me, I forget...but I digress), perhaps the next time dude decides he's gonna be fast and furious, he might want to consider the ramifications of getting rammed by a Ford Explorer like the one Mommy was driving (or, a Hummer, for that matter, as that increasingly seems to be the soccer mom's vehicle of choice around here). Suffice it to say, there aren't enough airbags, my friend.

Anyway, I'm gonna go peel off my SpongeBob sticker. I mean, just to be on the safe side. After all, we already know that certain people have issues with Spongie....


JazzyJ said...

This post was great. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats.

I only have one thought...Perhaps I should take the Bush/Cheney bumper sticker off of my car...

Sassy said...

We write for you, my dear!