Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Wilbanks Had The Willies

Katie Couric Interviews Runaway Bride

Dude - that was one of the funniest interviews ever! I'm still giggling! Did you know that a friend introduced to John Mason because they both love to....[tee hee!]....RUN?!? Hahahahaa! Too funny! And on the night she left, J-Willy told her dude that she was going out for a jog. [Katie Couric says, "Well - that was technically true. She just didn't say how far she was gonna run...."] Such humor! Good times, good times.

Anyway, so why did she do it? I think this billboard in the bride's hometown says it all:

Yep...they're pissed off in Duluth. And with good reason! Turns out the jogging jilter has negotiated a $500,000 deal for the movie rights to her life story. No wonder she didn't have any trouble cutting a measly $13,000 check to pay for some of the overtime city workers spent looking for her.

As for the upcoming movie, I guess the potential sponsors are countless. I mean, obviously Nike and Lady Footlocker would want some of that action. Then there would be the Supercuts ad, featuring a reenactment of Wilbanks chopping off her hair on the run, followed by footage of her in the salon getting a proper trim, with a voice-over: "Supercuts....We know how it is." [That really is their tag line.] Of course, Greyhound (a major sponsor) would change their tag line to "Leave the fleeing to us". I imagine Visine would jump on the bridewagon too, seeing as how that chick never blinks!.....Ahh - the possibilities are endless.

But I think the big money will come from Neuticles, the maker of prosthetic testicles for neutered pets. [What? You don't believe me? I dare you to click on the link!] They'd have an ad featuring John Mason, the poster child for my next village idiot contest. [Seriously, how can he stay with that wench?] Anyway, the nutty commercial would close with the groom holding up a twosome of testes and announcing:


Well, I really can't judge Jenny-On-The-Jog. After all, if I were about to get married, I'd run too. 'Course, it would just be a beer run....

Sam Adams Swillin' Sassy

[Ed. Note: Thanks to Bernie for the Neuticles link!]

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Bernie said...

I hope you and Ben know what you're getting for Christmas. Would Ben like a keychain or a necklace,ooo or a bathrobe?

Sassy said...

I simply MUST have a Neuticles tote bag!