Monday, April 11, 2005

And The Nominees Are.....

Residents of Story, Indiana give out an annual "Village Idiot" Award. This year's winner apparently cut through a live wire with a circular saw and, in a separate, but equally unfortunate incident, wrecked his brand new truck by "parking" it on top of a barrel. Somehow, he managed to beat out the other contestants, including two people who knocked themselves unconscious opening their car doors. Stiff competition, I say.

I am not sure if the winner gets to move on to the next round of the "Village Idiot" contest, but if there is another round - I have some suggested nominees:

Sassy's Village Idiot Nominee #1

Fish Fry Felon

My first nominee, a convicted murderer dubbed Albania's "Most Wanted" villain, somehow managed to avoid arrest and detention for years, eluding cops at every turn. Then he decided to blow up some fish. [Apparently, some fishermen prefer bombs over bait].


TNT & Trout: Totally Tragic

Anyway, villain dude misjudged the length of the fuse and....KABOOM! He lost boths hands and suffered severe burns elsewhere. Oh so sad and oh so stupid. [I'm told the sound of giggling fish could be heard miles away]. Needless to say, after all those years of successfully avoiding the hook, the frazzled felon/former fisherman now faces incarceration, having given away his whereabouts to the authorities when he checked himself into a hospital. I think he's a good VIP ("Village Idiot Prize") candidate, don't you?

Sassy's Village Idiot Nominee #2

Arrested Apprentice

Speaking of short fuses...."Apprentice" Chris Shelton was arrested on Saturday night for blowing his top at a Tampa casino. Oh brother. So let's see what we have here: You're semi-famous. You're on a hit show on national TV. You rub elbows with Donald Trump and his flunkies on a daily basis. You get arrested for causing a huge scene at a casino. [And yet, your name is not 'Jazzy'...interesting]. Seriously though - and let me get this straight - you were actually bitching and acting like an ass because you didn't want to pay a $20 cover charge?! Are you frigging kidding me? Like, are you trying to get fired? You, my friend, are definitely VIP material.

Sassy's Village Idiot Nominee #3

But listen - never mind those other nominees. Truth is, I think we have a winner:

The Brainiac Who Thought We Needed A Britney Spears Reality Show

If there were different divisions in the Village Idiot Prize tournament, this individual would be in a league of his own. Seriously. We possibly have the Number 1-ranked, Division I-A Village Idiot here. No BCS or March Madness playoffs needed. It's a no-brainer.

I mean, I know I've already barfed enough thanks to involuntary glimpses of the antics of Jessica Simpson and her husband [whateverhisnameis], which I've suffered through while trying to see if they actually still show music videos on MTV. Sadly, I still can't eat Chicken of the Sea tuna [and, apparently, MTV still doesn't show music videos]. And now, what with Anna Nicole and Farrah Fawcett and countless other brainless blondes on the boob tube [oh yeah - Pam Anderson has a new show too]....I'm about ready to heave our TV out the sliding glass door!

Ugh. It is clear to me that the dude who came up with this latest version of "reality TV" needs his head(s) examined. The good news is ESPN has started running NFL Draft Day coverage. So maybe I'll spare our TV....

Anyway, those are my nominees for VIP. If you have any you would like to add, feel free to post them here!

Signed

Sage Sassy

4 comments:

JazzyJ said...

I have three things to say:

1) You can never prove that I have been arrested inside a casino.

2) Britney Spears reality TV - "This is NOT awesome!" (attempt at new J-Jive. see if you can catch the reference Sassy)

and

3) TNT & Trout: Totally Tragic -hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Sassy said...

Geico commercial......Which I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like the part where she goes: "Are you kidding me?!" when the dude tries to get some nookie in the Tiny Bed.

Hahahahahahahahaaa!

(Tell me if I'm right on the reference)

JazzyJ said...

Yep Cabbage! You are correct m'am. I'm not sure that wins you anything...except respect.

My favorite part is when the guys goes, "I just want to make an omlette!"

Sassy said...

It's a kickass commercial, and it makes me proud to be a longstanding Geico customer.

("Make the gecko do the robot")