Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Wisconsin Votes On Feline Death Penalty

"Please ... let me vote."

Dear Readers:

Some of you may not know me. I am Sam. A card-carrying canine and upstanding member of the Captain 'n' Sassy Household. Please forgive my intrusion but I have something to say:

In recent months - nay, recent years - I have had to withstand the demoralizing and discriminatory diatribe of one Playdough. I have said nothing. I have taken no retaliatory action. I have simply bided my time, knowing that one day I would find the right opportunity to respond.

For example, I said nothing of the 200 freeloading felines that had to be evicted from a hospital because they were actually stealing food from the poor patients. Nor did I feel the need to publish certain compromising photographs in response to Playdough's most recent post about dogs in an Easter parade. By way of illustration, I could have responded with this:

Yep. I'm terrified of Deputy Dingleberry.

[By the way, be assured that my "feline fashion victim" evidence is not limited. To the contrary, I have quite a comprehensive collection of pussy photos in my portfolio...but I'm saving them for later.]

But when I read that humans in Wisconsin would be voting tonight on whether they should legalize the shooting of stray cats....my heart soared. This news has renewed my faith in humanity. It is proof that no matter what crap cats concoct [and let me tell you, I am a cat crap connoiseur] humans are not fooled. Cats are creeps. All they do is take, take, take. They give nothing in return.

Readers, be advised: Playdough is a particularly persistent parasite and sometimes I wish a freak accident would befall him. I don't count very well, but I'm pretty certain he is running out of lives...especially if you take into consideration the time he peed on Sassy's briefcase...oh, and the time he peed on her suitcase. 'Course...there's also the time Playdough peed on the Captain's charts.... In fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm amazed that cat is alive today.

I have discussed my comments with my canine comrades and we all agree: the Cat Nation must be conquered and crushed once and for all. Those dandruff-dropping, hairball-hacking, pompous pussies need to be taught a lesson. Therefore, on behalf of the United Canine Coalition, I would ask that my vote count in this, the most important election of the decade. [Even I realize that the Presidential election was meaningless....]. To reach me, please contact Miss Sassy.


Simply Sam

P.S. Oh - my vote is "YES" to Cat Hunting Season! Let the games begin!


Anonymous said...

Yeah whatever. Learn how to crap in one place and cover it up and then try talkin to me.

-- Mr. Boots

Sassy said...

Ut oh.....You know, I really have to be more careful about leaving my laptop on when I go to bed....Now the freaking dog is posting on the blog...This could get ugly.

Anonymous said...

YES!! Finally us dogs are being heard, We've been standing idle for to long. For years now I've been trying to wage war against those prissy pussies,and now my prayers are being answered.


--Sugar (aka sugar bugar.)

JazzyJ said...

Sam -

I join you and support you in your courageous stand! Down with Playdough!

Anonymous said...

Dear Miss JazzyJ and Sugar Bugar:

Thank you for your support. I will do my doggone best to rid the world of those crafty cats. They're mean. When I am out walking with Capt. Ben, they hiss at me. I don't like them.


Also - Playdough keeps stealing my cheese treats. I hate him.

Anonymous said...

In case anyone cares, Sam eats cat poop.

He really does. He likes any cat poop. But mostly, he eats mine.

So when you listen to the stuff coming out of his big mouth, all I have to say is - Consider the source.


Playdough (Prizewinning Pooper)