"Please ... let me vote."
Some of you may not know me. I am Sam. A card-carrying canine and upstanding member of the Captain 'n' Sassy Household. Please forgive my intrusion but I have something to say:
In recent months - nay, recent years - I have had to withstand the demoralizing and discriminatory diatribe of one Playdough. I have said nothing. I have taken no retaliatory action. I have simply bided my time, knowing that one day I would find the right opportunity to respond.
For example, I said nothing of the 200 freeloading felines that had to be evicted from a hospital because they were actually stealing food from the poor patients. Nor did I feel the need to publish certain compromising photographs in response to Playdough's most recent post about dogs in an Easter parade. By way of illustration, I could have responded with this:
Yep. I'm terrified of Deputy Dingleberry.
[By the way, be assured that my "feline fashion victim" evidence is not limited. To the contrary, I have quite a comprehensive collection of pussy photos in my portfolio...but I'm saving them for later.]
But when I read that humans in Wisconsin would be voting tonight on whether they should legalize the shooting of stray cats....my heart soared. This news has renewed my faith in humanity. It is proof that no matter what crap cats concoct [and let me tell you, I am a cat crap connoiseur] humans are not fooled. Cats are creeps. All they do is take, take, take. They give nothing in return.
Readers, be advised: Playdough is a particularly persistent parasite and sometimes I wish a freak accident would befall him. I don't count very well, but I'm pretty certain he is running out of lives...especially if you take into consideration the time he peed on Sassy's briefcase...oh, and the time he peed on her suitcase. 'Course...there's also the time Playdough peed on the Captain's charts.... In fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm amazed that cat is alive today.
I have discussed my comments with my canine comrades and we all agree: the Cat Nation must be conquered and crushed once and for all. Those dandruff-dropping, hairball-hacking, pompous pussies need to be taught a lesson. Therefore, on behalf of the United Canine Coalition, I would ask that my vote count in this, the most important election of the decade. [Even I realize that the Presidential election was meaningless....]. To reach me, please contact Miss Sassy.
P.S. Oh - my vote is "YES" to Cat Hunting Season! Let the games begin!