Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Tom Cruise Is A Squirt

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Tom Cruise is too short. Seriously, ladies, y'all know what I'm saying. He would be totally hot if he weren't so damned pint-sized. Two fries short of a Happy Meal, that's what I say. [And y'all know I love my McFries!] How come Scientology can't make him taller? I mean, I find it almost embarrassing to watch when he kisses Katie.... She has to bend down for cripes' sake! Not me...I'll take a long, tall drink of cool water every time......[And, no, I don't drink stupid Kabbalah water.....Puh-leeze! Y'all know I prefer melted ice cubes....in scotch....] Speaking of water....wanna see what I refer to as the Squirt Gets Squirted video? Click here!

Skirtless Sassy
(Um...wait...did I say "Skirtless"? How very Freudian of me.......I meant "Squirtless"- the Cap'n is 6'1").

[By the way - although those Kabbalah people seem to be putting lots of people under their spell, apparently they don't know how to spell...."Imbueded"????? Christ, don't get me started....]

P.S. Thanks to SHUDS for the video!

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Reebster said...

I've always thought his nose was too big.
And I haven't seen the new Batman yet (nor do I want to), but can Katie star in a movie without taking off her top?

Sassy said...

I definitely want to see the new Batman....Christian Bale is H-O-T!

Oh and yes, Katie can keep her top on and still turn out an excellent performance. See, e.g., "Go". See also "Pieces of April."

As for the Tom's Tooter, per Cap'n Ben: Yep - definitely too big.

Bernie said...

No only is Tom too short, he's too crazy. That large Chicklet grin of his and that Oprah appearance, OH MY GOD!!! He’s extremely bizarre, can’t ever complete a full sentence and he’s got Katie Holmes brainwashed as far as I’m concerned. I understand there are many other important issues in the world at this time but people; seriously we’ve got to free Katie.

And one awesomely funny guy agrees that their relationship is freak-city. Please enjoy the link to Dane Cook. Scroll down and look for Dane Cook (window media player)