Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Beauty School Bandit Busted

I swear I don't know where these people come from! This genius (hereinafter "Doofus") followed the "advice" of another brainiac and decided it would be a good idea to hold up a beauty school. However, during the bungled burglary,
the would-be victims attacked [Doofus], pummeling him with curling irons, hair dryers, a table leg and their own fists. He had to be taken to the hospital and had 21 cuts stitched up.
[Ed. Note: As you can imagine, we must now pause so Sassy can wipe up the vodka cocktail she just snorted through her nose.]

But seriously ... aside from the fact that this guy obviously knows nothing about the wide variety of deadly weapons available in most beauty salons (according to The Cap'n, the nail polish stench alone could've killed him), Doofus should have known better than to interrupt women in the middle of perfecting weaves! Do you know how hard it is to get those damn extensions glued in? And if girlfriend chipped off a rhinestone on her fresh french manicure while clubbing him with the curling iron ... well, let's just say he's lucky he got away with his manhood intact.

To add insult to the multiple injuries, now Doofus has to spend the next 25 years listening to the barbs of his brethren behind bars:

"Yo Doofus - when those sistahs were kicking your ass, how did you avoid slipping on your own jerry curl juice?"

I pity the fool ....

Short-haired Sassy

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