Yes, loyal reader(s), according to the
Chinese calendar, 2005 was the Year of the Rooster or Cock. [
People, please. You should really work on getting your minds out of the gutter...] And what a cocked-up year it was. [
God knows, Sassy was half-cocked for most of it.] So, as the year has come to a close, you're probably wondering:
Where in the heck is the Sassy Year-End Review? Fear not, dear friend(s). Per our annual tradition [
well, actually ... this is the first time we're doing it] we have scoured our site stats, sorted through your e-mails and phone messages, ranked all the
Sassy Travels stories and, after many agonizing hours [
and several bottles of tequila], we now deliver the following rooster-themed review for your ... um ... review:
The "Foghorn Leghorn" AwardNamed after one of the funniest cocks out there, this award goes to the post that
made y'all laugh the most. While many of you enjoyed reading about the
boozed-up, bare-bottomed Scot, another true story really made you crow. Thanks to loyal reader, Boz, who linked to it on the
Volokh Conspiracy website, our tale of
Sassy's job interview got lots of giggles and rave reviews. [
By the way, Boz: If I get, I say, if I get fired, I blame you.]
The "Chicken Little" AwardWhen he said the sky was falling, this little cock made a few enemies. As such, this award goes to the post that generated the
most hate-mail in 2005. [
Yep ... Sassy pisses some people off.] This year, while at least one of you disagreed with our opinion that
you deserve to get fired if you drink shitty beer, it was our
review of Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith that really ruffled your feathers. Having just sat through that movie again last week, I stand corrected: Sith didn't suck; it sucked
big time. Seriously. There's more suspense and drama in
Chicken Little and I knew going in that (spoiler alert) it was an apple! [
... and thus begins another round of Sith-spawned hate-mail ...]
The "Kentucky Fried Chicken" AwardThe Colonel may be gone, but the military was on your minds this year. [
That was a totally lame tie-in but ... did I mention we had some tequila ...?] This award goes to your
favorite Sassy soldier story. Apparently, y'all thought the story about the
Russians who stole a tank to buy vodka was finger-lickin' good and, as far as Sassy is concerned, those dudes deserve medals. However, it was the bittersweet flavor of
Barbie's farewell letter to Cody, the toy soldier kidnapped by Iraqi insurgents, that really made you smack your lips. We were going to do a follow-up when we later learned that
Barbie had been mutilated but decided it would be in poor taste.
The "Chicken Run" AwardThis dubious distinction goes to the
Sassy Travels post that received the
most hits throughout the year, factoring in first-time readers and referrals from search engines. This year, much to our shock and awe,
Jennifer Wilbanks ran away [
old habits die hard] with the hitlist honor. Apparently, y'all couldn't get enough of the fleet-footed fiancee. You liked our
follow-up too. It figures. After all, there's one thing we've always known about you guys: Your literary taste is questionable. [
Our attempts to contact J-Willy for her reaction to receiving this recognition were rebuffed. We're told she's recovering from butt implant surgery. Jazzy must be psychic.]
... and, finally, just because we'd hate to disappoint you by only talking about chickens ....
Two Other Cocks Worth Mentioning:The "John Holmes" AwardThis goes to the
longest post. When we told you about the
crappy treatment we received at a local boutique, most of you were outraged. Well, we recently learned from our undercover investigative reporter [
we like to call her "La Femme Nikita"] that the store implemented its locked-door policy to "keep losers out." Interesting. When will they realize they've only succeeded in keeping the losers
in ....?
The "Boogie Nights" AwardThis prize goes to that pompous, pint-sized, peckerhead, Tom Cruise. We're pretty certain he used a stunt double to knock up Katie Holmes. I can't wait to blog the baby's birth ...
Well, folks, there you have it. Sam is looking forward to 2006 - it's the Year of the Dog, after all. So, keep on readin', cuz we'll keep on writin'.
Signed,
Sassy
Tags: Sassy Travels; news; Tom Cruise; Katie Holmes; review; 2005; year end review
The Russian intelligence community is vehemently condemning British agents for allegedly hiding spy gadgetry inside a fake rock on a street in Moscow. The Brit boulder, pictured here, apparently featured a phony flap, underneath which the hidden high-tech device collected confidential Commie data from covert operatives.
