Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Hooray! Scientists Discover "Love Molecule"!

Look, y'all know what I think about all these so-called "scientific" studies, so why would I even dignify this latest one with a post? [um ... well ... it beats writing this brief I have to do ...] So, here goes:

Sassy Scoffs At Scientists ... Again

According to some random Italian researchers (their credibility and level of expertise are unknown), that goofy feeling you get when you first fall in love is triggered by the "Love Molecule" [And here I thought it was the booze...]. To arrive at this stunning conclusion, scientists looked at the Love Molecule [that's "molecule", people, not "muscle"] in the blood of 58 people, who had recently fallen madly in love, and the tests showed that ..........

Ok. You know what? Stop right there. These folks had just fallen "MADLY in love"??? What if the falling wasn't MAD? Could they still participate in the test? And by the way, what the hell kind of questionnaire did these test subjects fill out when they signed up for the study??? Did it go like this?:
QUESTION #2: As you are only eligible to participate in this research study if you have "recently fallen MADLY in love" please describe your current relationship. Remember, you must be MADLY in love. Is your relationship:

a) Like a pizza pie with all your favorite fixings;[hey - they're Italian, ok?]; or

b) Like a pizza pie with all your favorite fixings hand-delivered to your door; or

c) Like a pizza pie with all your favorite fixings hand-delivered to your door by a barefoot Luke Wilson wearing only a pair of ripped jeans, his body glistening ever so slightly, his hair tousled in that "just-hopped-out-of-Sassy's-bed" kinda way, with a ... ... ..
.... I'm sorry ... Where was I?? Oh right. The study....

Seriously though. Who the hell has time to participate in some research project (and one involving multiple blood tests over the course of a year, no less) when they've just fallen MADLY in love?? Shouldn't they be too busy MADLY shagging? [Maybe that's just us.....]

Well, according to the study, Love Molecule levels plummet to pitiful proportions after you've been with the same lover for a year. Now, you see, that's how I know the research is wrong. Clearly, these 58 people weren't MADLY in love at all. [And by the way, couldn't they find more than 58 amorous Italians?] Look, I can tell you right now (no blood test required) when you're MADLY in love, it doesn't wear off. To wit, it's been over two years since I first laid eyes on the Cap'n, and I'm definitely still under the influence of whatever chemical it was that made me go gaga back then. [Shut up, you guys. You know who you are.]

So put that in your pipe and smoke it, you stupid scientists.

Look - do y'all want to hear about a real discovery? Try this: Today Sassy discovered that the Cap'n's belly button also produces blue lint. (We'd only been able to collect white and gray samples before). Now that's a discovery!

Alright - I gotta go. It's time to harvest some more lint. By the way, do y'all want white or blue cushions for Christmas?

Still-Coo-Coo Sassy

[Ed. Note: For previous editions of Sassy's Science Scoffs, click here.]

Credits: Photo of Sassy & the Cap'n by Pete - the Prince of Port Townsend. Copyright © 2005, Sassy Travels

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Grinchy said...

ooh..belly button lint pillows. Just want I want from Sassy Santa.

Sassy said...

Oh yeah! Sassy Santa goes to ... I mean, spares no expense when it comes to gifts for loved ones!!

Hey Grinchy! BTW - You're the ONLY Duke Law Grad allowed to access Sassy Travels! Who loves ya, baby?