Sunday, October 14, 2007

Hospital Gives Man Drip-Feed of Vodka

Doctors in Brisbane, Australia administered a drip-feed of vodka to an Italian tourist when the hospital ran out of the medicinal alcohol it would normally have used for treatment.

"The patient was drip-fed about three standard drinks an hour for three days in the intensive care unit," the doc said. "The hospital's administrators were also very understanding when we explained our reasons for buying a case of vodka."


In related news, Sassy's flight to Brisbane leaves in half an hour.

Friday, October 05, 2007

R.I.P. My Friend R.I.P.

Some fond memories ........ With every beat of our hearts, we miss you more, Nick.





To fair winds and following seas .... you'll always be at the helm of our hearts.




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And who can forget your sense of humor! Listening to your stories and jokes was the highlight of every meal. Thanksgiving dinner will never be the same!





Special thanks to our home girl, Meg, for taking this picture with Nick. He got a huge chuckle out of it and now we will always be able to smile ... even through our tears ... every time we look at this photograph. Thanks, Meg.

Signed,
Sad Sassy

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Sassy: "I knew I was right all along ..."

Today, Sassy received the following information in an e-mail from good friend and fellow non-teetotaller, PLC:

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't -
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health. Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.


Needless to say, the foregoing confirms what Sassy has been saying all along:

One bottle of Svedka from Big Daddy Liquors - $16.99
One quart of orange juice from My Market - $2.99
An ice-cold screwdriver at 9:30 in the morning - priceless (and, apparently, good for ya!)



Sassy out.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

O.J. Simpson Arrested in Vegas

Huh. I guess The Juice is no longer on the loose?


(Alternate Sassy response #2: "Huh. So I guess that makes him Juice in a can??")
(Alternate Sassy response #3: "Huh. So I guess The Juice is in the freezer??")

Blah blah blah.

Friday, September 14, 2007

O.J. Simpson Named Suspect in Vegas Casino Burglary

Rumor has it this is all a publicity stunt for O.J.'s next book: "If I Did It: Vegas Edition".

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Man Found Nude After Clothes Stolen

Um ... well, yeah. "My clothes were stolen" begets "I'm walking around buck naked." Next headline?

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

We did it! The Knot's Been Tied!

Yes - Sassy and The Cap'n are now officially hitched! Details to follow - as soon as we get back to our normal life! Thanks for all your kind e-mails, cards, etc. We love you all!

Friday, February 23, 2007

Beaver Spotted in NYC; First Time in 200 Years!

Whose? Britney's or Paris'?


[Ed. Note - We have the links to very revealing pics but decided to be classy ... or something]

Saturday, February 17, 2007

BREAKING NEWS: The Cap'n Pops The Question!

Yes - it's true! The Cap'n got on bended knee in front of friends in Barbados and asked Sassy to marry him!

[Ed. Note: Sassy said 'yes'!]

So there you have it! Stay tuned for updates from the happy couple!


[Another Ed. Note: (with a hint of sarcasm): Maybe third time's the charm, eh?]

Some things are too funny to pass up ...... !