When The Brat's Away, The Cat Will Play

Another Playdough Post

Well, seeing as how that tart, Sassy, claims she's "too busy" to talk to you losers, I thought I would continue my campaign of cat conversion. You see, eventually you will all agree with me that (and excuse the repetition here) dogs suck. They are truly stupid. For example (as if you needed further evidence) look at the following article:

Playdough's Point Proven in Parade


Exhibit 1 (Oh yeah...that's real cute).

I mean, exactly how low does your self-esteem have to be to allow humans to dress you up and put you in an Easter Parade? And hundreds of the mentally-challenged man-friends showed up to this mess! It's a travesty, a sham, a mockery....well, you know the rest.

We, the dignified members of the Cat Nation, would never, ever, participate in such a degrading debacle.

You know what? I simply can't continue. That pathetic photo says it all and sadly, there are plenty more where that one came from.

Members of the jury, I present to you, Exhibit 2.


Exhibit 2 (Does this dog actually think those are his ears?)

And the self-imposed doggy degradation doesn't end there, oh no. Please look, if you can, at Exhibit 3.


Exhibit 3 (Dog dementia doesn't discriminate).

And finally, ladies and members of the jury, I ask you to consider the following:


Exhibit 4 (I rest my case).

Signed Playdough

Guess Who's Back?

Yep cabbage! Sassy's back! But swamped with work! So, be patient, loyal reader. I will be posting a FAT blog after I get out of court tomorrow.

Our trip to Barbados was awesome and I've got lots to tell. In the interim, a quick "shout out" to the newest members of our family: Tony, Priscilla, Corey, Cox, Justin, Kwame, Shelly, and Mia. We can't wait to see you guys again, real soon! Mom says to come by any Saturday for cou-cou and souse! (And yes, sorrel in March, Shelly....)

Cheers! (And tables, and benches!)

Lotsa luv

Sassy

Sassy's Traveling.....

Yep. It's that time....Sassy and the Captain are leaving, on a jet plane; don't know when we'll be back again.... (Um....well....actually we'll be back on Tuesday). In any event, we're heading to Barbados for some fun in the sun and five gloorrriousss days of relaxation, which Sassy sorely needs!


St. James, Barbados....Sassy's Sanctuary

Seriously, I've added it up and in the last 4 days, I have had a grand total of 7.3 hours sleep. Hearings, and meetings, and briefings, oh my!

So, in line with the title of this Blog, Sassy's traveling. The Cap'n will do some windsurfing, and I will do some sandsurfing. I am an Expert Master Level 1 sandsurfer. Oh - you laugh, do you? You think sandsurfing is easy? Well, you're wrong. It takes a lifetime to learn and even then it's very easy to make a wrong move. You could roll over onto your belly without realizing your bikini bottom is wedged up your hiney; or you could move your arm too quickly and accidentally knock over your rum punch. So, scoff not, you scofflaws! You wish you had my skills.

The only other Expert Master Level 1 sandsurfer in the world is Miss Lala. She knows important things like how many minutes you can safely allow to elapse between banana daiquiris. Anyway, if any of you are interested in taking our Beginners Sandsurfing course, feel free to email Sassy.

So - off we go into the wild, blue yonder. Fear not, fearless reader! Sassy will be back and full of vigor, mom's cooking, and, of course, rum. I will also probably have some sand stuck up my crack...but - that's not your problem.

Ciao for now,

Sandy Sassy

P.S. A special prize to the reader who first correctly identifies the name and singer of both songs referenced to in this post.

Backpack Crack

First-Grader Hands Out Crack Cocaine, Thought It Was Candy

Dude - there's one pissed off crack dealer out there somewhere....

See what happens when we lie to kids? Instead of telling him the truth, that the little white rocks were a highly addictive and very illegal drug, his parents told him that it was candy. And being a well-mannered, generous little dude, he decided to share it with his friends at school.


Is that what they mean by "curiously strong"?

Lies are dangerous.

It's just like the time I walked in on my parents having sex (I was about nine) and they told me they were just playing....I can't begin to tell you the trouble that lie got me into. I mean, I always followed the rules. And, being a lawyer-in-the-making, I was well aware of the rules applicable to me with regard to playing. For example, I knew I was allowed to play as long as my homework was done. And I wasn't allowed to play loudly in the house. I couldn't play late on school nights. I also knew I was expected to at least wash my hands when I got done playing. Mommy said I was to play nice and play with everyone; and just because the toy was mine didn't mean I shouldn't share.

So...I followed those rules.

The better approach would have been to tell me: "We are having sex, which can lead to pregnancy, which leads to stretch marks, saggy tits, and screaming toddlers; but only after you endure the most horrifying pain of delivering an eight pound human being through your hoo-hoo." Yep. That would have been the better approach.

And adults have this nasty habit of following up one lie with another. I mean, when the teachers realized what happened, they told the other students that what little dude gave them was "poison". Just tell them the truth, white people! They're gonna find out anyway. Like when they get home, and their parents are all staring at their clogged-up crack-pipes going, "Damn - I thought this shit smelled kinda minty! La'Kweesha, why'd you give little dude that shit back, girl?! Get over here! You are so grounded! No - you can not go outside and play!"

Oh well. You know - all I used to get at recess was crackers and milk....well, and some...ahem...play time.

Signed - Swinging Sassy

A Note From The Editor

Loyal readers:

I know I have been remiss these past couple of days in not communicating my rambling rants and reflections to you. However, fear not! It will be worth the wait, I promise. (Don't hold me to that....)

Anyway, I have been consumed with preparations for today's oral argument in the Circuit Court but as soon as that is over, Sassy will return!

Ciao for now,

Sassy Esquire

Playdough Hacks The Blog Again

Go read this story and then get back to me.

Man Mates With Best Friend

Did I ever mention that dogs are retarded?



I'm pretty sure I did.

Ironically, and in light of their ridiculous so-called loyalty to man, I have often suggested this very act to canines I have the misfortune of meeting. Of course, taking into account the limited vocabulary of your average dog, I usually reduce my suggestion to simple terms, like: "Get lost"; or "Shut up"; or "So how much do you really enjoy copulating with a human? Sucks to be you."

In any event, we, the members of the Cat Nation, would never permit such preposterous perversion. I would like to see some fool try. Suffice it to say, they would never be able to make enough Band-Aids for the perv's pathetic private parts.

Signed - Playdough

Ed. NOTE: We at Sassy Travels would like to remind Playdough that the dogs are victims here. This is not a topic to be taken lightly, especially in this day and age of.......ah....who am I kidding? The cat is right on this one. That dude is one sick em-effer.

So She Really Wasn't A "Blow Up" Doll?

Sex Doll Sparks Bomb Alert at Post Office

The scene is a German post office. There are several officials standing around a brown box. Said box is vibrating ominously. They call in the bomb squad. And then, the owner of the package....Crisis averted.

You just have to love this dude. He tells the worried workers that he was simply trying to return the sex doll to the manufacturer because "it kept turning itself on at the wrong moment." You know, it's always the same with you men. I mean, my ex-husband used to accuse me of the same thing. So I just stopped getting turned on at all. Then I traded his sorry ass in for a way better model. My new boy toy comes with actual feelings. (Er....read that however you choose. We're all grown ups here.)

Kinda makes you wonder though....why does my mailman always have that odd grin on his face.



I mean, I always remember to remove the batteries first.....

Giants Sign Plaxico Burress

MSNBC - Giants sign Burress to six-year deal

Ah crap. Oh well, didn't want him anyway.

What? No fava beans? No chianti?

Freak Fries Friend's Brain In Butter

Is that on the Atkins diet?

Being Stupid Ain't Easy

Man Found Napping in Car With Holdup Note

Yeah - being stupid can wear your ass out.....I guess he was just tired.