Monday, April 10, 2006

Sassy: "I'm A Blunt Bitch."

Yes, we know: That headline hardly seems shocking to our loyal reader(s) .... But wait.

First of all, no one will deny Sassy's claim to bitch status. [Insert pause for effect ... deafening silence .... and move on ....]. Secondly, Sassy isn't saying she's blunt in the sense of being "abrupt and often disconcertingly frank in speech" (after all, that would be way too obvious). Further, Sassy isn't referring to a predilection for smoking weed rolled in cigars (yep .... that would also be way too obvious).

Rather, Sassy speaks of her new addiction to British singer/songwriter, James Blunt.

Yep. You heard it here first: Sassy is a Blunt bitch. (Oh, and, by the way, we're totally copyrighting that phrase).

Loyal reader(s) - If you haven't been listening to this album, you've been missing out on some of the freshest, sweetest, deepest, most meaningful music of our time. And we say this not just because we're somewhat convinced that Ben is Blunt's daddy (that's a whole other post). Nay! We say this because it's been a long time since a singer/songwriter has made Sassy laugh, cry, and orgasm, all while listening to the same album. (Don't ask for details, just roll with it ....) And just when Sassy thought she'd fallen in love with the boy after seeing the video to "You're Beautiful", we were blessed by "An Evening With James Blunt" on the Hi-Def channel.

Oh. My. Sweet. Lord.

DUDE! Even the Cap'n cried.

It's true, America [and insert Sir Mixalot soundtrack here]: "We like James Blunt and we cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny....."

We'd do a more in-depth review but we're a tad tired from traveling. Just trust us: Buy "Back to Bedlam" now!




Signed,
Sassy: A Blunt Ho [we're copyrighting that phrase too ....]


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Homework Answers

Thanks to ALL of you for playing the Homework Game re: The Beta Band and John Cusack! Wow - who knew y'all were paying attention to this drivel! Your responsive comments and/or e-mails were hysterical and we're proud to have you as readers. In any event, NONE of you got both the right answers!!!! [Ed. Note: Big ups to loyal reader, Anklebone, for being the first to give us half the answer]. So without further ado - the assignment:

Questions:
How many copies of the Three EP's by the Beta Band did John Cusack say he was gonna sell? Sub-question: Which song did he play to encourage sales? [Customer: It's good. John: I know.]
Answers:
In addition to the afore-mentioned, Anklebone, many of you subsequently and correctly answered that Rob (Cusack's character) announced he would sell four (4) copies of the album. However, NO ONE knew the name of the song, which is "Dry The Rain"! Sheesh! (Oh - if you skip to around the 4:07 mark of the song, you will quickly recognize the part featured in the classic, funny, awesome, and totally Sassy Suggests caliber movie).
Anyway, thanks again for playing and, well, it just goes to show, yet again, that we clearly have way too much time on our hands. But, hey, that's our burden - not yours.

Signed,
Sassy Songlover

Special P.S. to Jazzy - we answered the questions you posed in your comment ......


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Thursday, April 06, 2006

AI5 Results: MANDISA GETS VOTED OFF?!?

SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I LEAVE YOU MORONS ALONE??!!!

I mean, HOLY HELL! WHO. THE. FUCK. LET THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!!

Sassy and The Cap'n turn their backs for ONE WEEK to travel up to Philly/Willy and y'all let MANDISA go home?!?!! I'm gonna kick someone's ass RIGHT NOW!

[INSERT SOUND OF SMALL PROPANE TANK BEING DRAGGED ON ASPHALT]

As my girl, Miss Gee, said: "Theo, I'll be with you in two minutes."

Signed,
Sassy-On-The-Warpath


[Ed. Note: Um .... well. So THAT happened. Loyal reader(s), please rest assured. Sassy has a lot more on this topic but ... (gee - this is awkward) .... Well, she can't update the blog right now because it turns out there's no wireless internet over at the Broward County Jail ... [nervous chuckle]. ... Who knew? Anyway, we don't want to go into details right now, and the Sheriffs' Office has declined to comment on the pending charges, but the vet says Playdough should recover fully, although he'll never eat solid food again. In related good news, the white guy that owned the Camaro said he's probably not going to press charges because he was ready to set the car on fire himself anyway. So there's that. Um, we will endeavor to keep you posted ... Stay tuned.. ]



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